A dear friend blessed me with a post the other day. She said that a certain song reminded her of me and the faith I've shown since losing my 2 precious boys. I know this song well. It's one I used to sing every word to in front of the mirror with a brush in my hand as a preteen girl completely fascinated by the power of music. I always thought of it as talking about a real child for some reason, but today I think God showed me something different.
In our walk with God we will have trials...many of them. Some are easy and some are very, very trying. I've learned through my own trials that when I speak those things that are not, as though they are...as the word says...my faith is strengthened and I begin to see God moving in ways I never thought I could before. Who would think that God would give such peace to a woman who, in 9 months (ironic, huh?) saw two precious baby boys born into the arms of Jesus? Had you told me I was going to go through this a few years ago I would have been terrified and angry! But...God's grace IS sufficient for me and He has provided peace that really does pass all of my understanding.
I thought I had to be sooo strong the first time. It was quite a while before the grief set in. And when it did, all I wanted was to be cradled in my Daddy God's arms. But it felt weird. I cried...but I stayed strong. I trusted and believed and never waivered in my faith. I couldn't let myself question or even wonder why this happened. I had peace and I just...was.
This time, I cried sooner and I questioned God more. I got angry and I cried out to heaven. I became sad and wondered where this was all going. You might say, I threw a couple of temper tantrums. And then, after a time, His peace covered me. I felt no guilt for lashing out. I thought of David and ALL the times he was angry with God. And I mean, downright angry! And yet, David's heart was something that the Lord cherished. He never turned him away just because David got mad. But...David didn't stay there. After his temper tantrum, he would cry out to God. Kind of like a child...he would "flesh out" all of his vulnerability, anger and emotion...and then crawl up in his Daddy's arms for peace and comfort. He had come to the distinct conclusion that, despite his circumstance or his feelings, the Lord was holy and worthy to be praised!
So, this time when the tears came...THIS warrior, well, she became a child.
Lyrics for Warrior Is A Child by Twila Paris:
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
-
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
-
Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
-
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child
-
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child
